Tell Her how You Really Feel
Posted: Saturday, May 23, 2009
by Phil Gilliam
AverageGuy, Inc.
One of the best ways to create excitement and romance in a relationship is to write her a heartfelt love letter, but not a lot of guys do this.
Why? One of the things men immediately think when we mention them is "Oh God, how corny" or my personal favorite "You have got to be kidding me, I am not going to write a love letter." We wanted to know why they weren't willing to do this, so we asked. We found more times than not it wasn't that they weren't willing to sit down and try, it was that they didn't know what to write. This is where this article comes in, so pay attention; a good love letter can go a long way towards creating romance and excitement in your relationship.
Now let's talk about the benefits of writing an all-out love letter. First and foremost, women will keep these letters and take them to the grave. It is an extreme rarity that men will sit down and write out their feelings, but remember, as we have told you before, most of the romantic notions that women get come from television, movies, and (this is a big on for women) books (more specifically, romance novels). Trust us when we say that letters are often a significant turning point in romance novels. This is often how the hero expresses his undying and unwavering love and desire for the main female character of the book.
Second, you will be amazed at how easily you can express yourself in writing in comparison to how you, like most guys, would stumble when trying to express yourself verbally. The uncomfortable questioning you have in your own head while you're looking at the love of your life doesn't happen because you are simply picturing her, exploring your feelings and writing them down.
Lastly, the impact of such a letter is so high because it shows a genuine effort to express your love for her.
Words of warning: if you are not genuinely in love with her do not write her a love letter, we guarantee that would end badly.
So how do you write a love letter?
Step one: Find a place where you will be undisturbed for the time it takes you to start and complete the letter. Some guys will get through this quickly. For others, this could be an all day project. Don't think you have to finish it all at once. Stopping for a while to do and think about something else when you get stuck can help a lot. The key here is to avoid unwanted distractions.
Step two: Get a piece of scratch paper and take just a few minutes to sit and think about what you truly want a tell her. We know you want to tell her you love her, but that simply can't be the whole message. You have to tell her how and why you love her. After thinking about it for a couple of minutes, write down your thoughts on the scratch paper.
Step three: Now on that same scratch piece of paper simply begin to write what you have to say. Don't edit, don't worry about spelling, sentence structure, or anything; just write down everything that comes to mind and continue to write until there is nothing else is in your head. This does not have to make sense as far as the order of the thoughts. This is merely how they spilled out of your mind. Keep writing until you have nothing left.
Now take a break for a couple of minutes to think about your lover to see if anything new comes into your mind. If something else pops into your head start writing again until your brain is once again empty. This is not a contest or a test where your grade depends on how much you write. It is an opportunity for you to start expressing the thoughts which will eventually become your letter.
Tips: If you need inspiration or feel that you haven't written quite enough to express all you want, you may reference different things that make you feel really good about your significant other. For example: music, a letter she wrote you, remembering a past event, even having a picture of her in a scenario where you had an amazing time.
Step four: Now is when you go back and read through what you wrote and begin to place it in the order in which you would like it to go. On a separate sheet of paper begin to construct your letter from the thoughts you've written down, putting them in the desired order. Now is the time when you can begin to change words and maybe look at sentence structure as best you can. Once again, this is not a test. Don't make it into one and don't make it difficult for yourself by worrying about if a comma or a period is in the right place or you are using the right grammar; we absolutely promise you that she is not going to grade this like your eighth grade English teacher. Now if she's an eighth grade English teacher you you might want to reference a grammar book or dictionary, but that probably doesn't apply to you.
Step five: Once you are organized, write the letter as if it were the real deal on a separate piece of scratch paper. This will be your last opportunity to edit and decide on any thoughts and words that you will want to add or subtract. You don't have to add or subtract anything, but this gives you an opportunity to do that before you create your masterpiece. (Steps two through five can be completed on a computer if you are more comfortable that way or you really like having a spell checker)
Step six: Now that you've written out the whole letter on a practice sheet it's time to write the final letter on the good paper in your best handwriting (yes, you MUST hand write the letter). Remember to add a signature line with something to the effect of: "Your eternal soul mate" or "My undying love" with your signature. Place it in the matching envelope.
Be sure to make the delivery of this letter memorable as well. Don't just toss it to her and say "Hey, I wrote this for you." Mailing it is an option. So is sending it with her to work and telling her not to read it until she's there (or hiding it in her briefcase or lunch so she finds it). This would be a fun way to build anticipation. You'll know the best way to deliver it. Just make sure it's above and beyond your normal mode of operation. You put a lot of work into this letter, the impact will be worth it...don't cheapen it with a boring delivery.
Don't let all the required steps deter you from doing this, because we promise that if you take the time and work through this activity, you will find amazing results on the other end. And you never know; you might just enjoy doing this extremely romantic gesture!
This type of love letter is a big deal and should be reserved for the times when you genuinely want to pour your heart out to her.
May it be often!
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Phil Gilliam is the founder and president of AverageGuy, Inc. and the author of Bringing the Better Deal - A Men's Guide to Approaching, Getting and Importantly, Keeping the Women They Desire. His goal is to positively impact the lives of 1 million men through education and coaching. Visit AverageGuy.com to get many more ideas for romantic gestures and relationship help.
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